I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
