they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
