oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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