She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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