just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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