my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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