there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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