HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Randomize
