rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
