I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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