Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.