The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Semen is not good for contacts.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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