I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
