Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Randomize
