new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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