He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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