i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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