yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
