No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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