and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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