I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Randomize
