That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
