I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
how do you play pong handcuffed?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I need water and some morals
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
