Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
