Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Randomize