I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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