end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
