I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize