Who wears a wallet chain?!
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
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Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
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Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Pooping to opera.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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