i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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