Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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