I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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