Swine flu. Run for my life!
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
