i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
