he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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