Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
