he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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