I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
