Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
