Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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