What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
