So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
