She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
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My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
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We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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