I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
