I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Randomize