I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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