I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
