I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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