Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.