we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
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Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
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I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days