I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch