The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
