after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
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i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
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You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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