I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
