I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm at about main and main street
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
