OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
NoShamevember. You game?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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