Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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