did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
