i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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