I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
