just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
