How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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