Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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