Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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