i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
