....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
