If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
