He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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