Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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